Smith and ?
by Kia Dion
Summary: My Cross over from the Smith and Jones Episode but in the House Universe. Plot Spoilers from Season 4 of House and Season 3 of Doctor Who.
1. Smith and Kutner!

AN – Hallo people who may of stumbled across this! At the moment I have a fractured sacrum and I have been very VERY bored, I have been watching DVD Box Sets available to be in my home which for the last two days has consisted mostly of Doctor Who and House! Two shows of which I love and love reading cross overs for! Now, I've never written any doctor Fan fics... or House fan fics... Or too be perfectly honest... fanfics! As such if you are kind enough to drop in and give this little baby a read, I would very much appreciate any tips, hints.. Anything people that could give me a little helping hand into the land that is fan fiction. I'm an avid reader of many lovely people on this site and couldn't even dream of writing that good – But I'm giving it a shot. Also I tend to skip over spelling mistake or silly little mistakes so point any out for me :)

Also... Sorry if some parts of this don't make sense... I'm on a crap load of pain killers *Grin*

Oh... And Unfortunately I do not own any one from House... or from Dr Who... I do however own Christmas.... Or At least I wish I did... That would be awesome...

But yeah... No these arn't my guys – If they where it would be pointless for me to be posting it on Ff wouldn't it!

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**Smith and... Kutner!**

Mr Smith wasn't exactly a huge fan of hospitals, they tended to lead to annoying questions and they were full of annoying deadly substances... such as Aspirin. He also really had to avoid people trying to take his temperature... as that was also complicated, trying to tell a doctor that your average body temperature was 21 degrees lower that what they expected it to be? Its generally very difficult. Sometimes he wondered why Doctors had to be so stubborn. So far however he had actually managed to utterly avoid any of the things that could have amounted to him being locked up in some secret lab for testing. And it hadn't even really taken much effort, he'd simply walked into the free clinic and sat down and had been in the same spot for several hours now, as had several people around him... Mr Smith was unsure if this was a good thing about Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital or not.

He decided to put it out of his mind for now and reclined on the blatantly uncomfortable chairs and decided to pay more attention to the people around him, that was after all the reason why he had turned up. He was starting to tally the amount of people who were pretty much getting a static shock every time they even stepped near something vaguely metal. He couldn't help but grin.

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It was pretty early in the day, even for Kutner really. But he wanted to get in first, he had too, it was the only way he could enact his plan. The box in his arms wasn't exactly skilfully hidden. It wasn't really necessary this early on, he was however too excited about his plans to actually watch where he was going, before he actually realised what was going on he was on his face flat on the ground, tinsel and Christmas baubles running wild away from the box as he glared at them as if it was all their fault. The glare however didn't really last long and he jumped back up to his feet in order to start hunting down the run-a-way baubles. Nothing could affect Kutners Christmas cheer! It was a force to be reckoned with.

So much that he hadn't actually bothered to look and see what he had knocked him over until the source had practically flung himself from the chair and too his side. The lanky scrawny man was grinning at him wildly and glancing around for the Christmas decorations, Kutner couldn't help but join in – this type of enthusiasm was quite rare when you worked for one Dr Gregory House. It was even rarer in the clinic.

"Ever so sorry about that there, I was off in my own little world. I do that a lot you know... Go off into my own little worlds. Gotta love your own little worlds."

Kutner grinned back before reaching down to start putting decorations back into his box. Having a little trouble with the baubles, his need to rush now mixed with his interest in the man stood in front of him.

"The clinic isn't that amazing that I imagine getting into your own world is probably necessary... Damned Christmas balls..."

The stranger was still smiling at that and had actually started to help with the round up of scattered Christmas decorations. Studying the baubles as he popped them into the box, he hadn't realised it was Christmas – but then his internal clock was never very good when it came to Christmas. It was doubly disconcerting considering he had just come from one Christmas disaster, having two Christmases so close together surely could only be a good thing.... right? Never the less, the happy guys cheer was rubbing off on the Doctor. Not that the man needed MORE enthusiasm!

"I love Christmas, it's the best time of the year... no matter how many times the world tries to end or something similar seems to happen – it's still... well.. brilliant!"

He eyed the Christmas balls with a little bit of scepticism, trying to work out if they were likely to explode or be able to act on their own... or even under the guidance of people of the malicious kind... It was Christmas after all.

Kutner got the rest of the decorations back into the box with relative speed, with the help of one of the most enthusiastic people Kutner possible had ever met. He'd lost some time however thanks to this and was starting to wonder if he would get everything set up in time.

"I agree, best time of year Mr ... Er..."

"Smith, or you could just call me John if you like, not a huge fan of the titles..." He grinned to himself and Kutner idly wondered if there was a joke somewhere that he was completely missing. Never the less, Kutner's plan was reforming in his mind. Deciding that introducing himself and further his plan would be the best course of action.

"Dr Kutner. You been waiting down here long?"

"Couple of hours I think, time seems to have little meaning here. Just been having a bit of stomach pain, not so bad though. Just still a bit, y'know. Blehhh"

The Doctor shrugged it off; stomach pain was the first thing he could come up with that usually avoided x-rays, brain scans and Aspirin. Most importantly; avoided the aspirin.

Kutner thought it over for a moment or two, the guy didn't seem into much pain but then most patients came in and just wanted their worries eased on simple symptoms, never the less- it made his plan solidify.

"Mr Smith, I have a proposition for you!"

The doctor grinned back, this guy was really infectious with the smiling, buy this point they practically had matching grins.

"And what might that be then Dr Kutner"

"Call me Kutner, and It has to do with this box of decorations and my quickly running out of time to decorate a certain office. I'll make sure you get seen by some one as soon as I can straight after."

The Doctor saw this as the perfect opportunity. He wasn't getting much information from the clinic as it was barely one or two steps into the actual hospital; it was practically outside for one! This however was a very good way of getting into the hospital proper without actually having to sneak around or decide to utterly change his cover story from Patient to something else. It also included Decorating.

"I'd say that sounds brilliant Kutner!! Where is this office in desperate need of Christmas cheer?"

The doctor immediately started walking off in one direction, his long strides getting him a few steps away before Kutner had even picked up the box of decorations.

"Mr Smith... Er... John... Wrong way!"

He called out before jogging to catch up and direct John in the correct direction, the smile never faltering from the doctors face..

"Of course! Allons-y!"

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So, Erm, yeah... Review? Pretty please with cherries?


	2. Differentials!

AN: Going to put the big one down the bottom, but Yeah I don't own these lovely people *Sigh*

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**Differentials!**

When the two cheery men made their way to the Diagnostic's office, Kutner and John spent a good bit of their time using up Kutner's box of Christmas cheer and decorated the room. Kutner noted that the man didn't really seem in too much pain but seemed erratically happy about what he was doing, but as he came in the clinic it might have just gone away or the symptoms might be coming and going. Kutner dropped a snow globe and a few candy canes on the table, whilst John had begun hanging streamers around the room quite enthusiastically. After the room had been decorated to Kutner's satisfaction he'd seen John down to his very own bed and brought his chart back up to the diagnostics office, dropping it on the desk for his colleagues to read when they got in.

******************

Taub was in his usual mood, disinterested and in dire need of coffee. He had however given the chart Kutner had left on the table a quick once over before raising an eyebrow and giving the other doctor the most 'dead pan' look he could seemingly muster at this time of the morning.

"He just walked into the clinic with a tummy ache, what makes you think House would even be mildly interested."

Kutner wasn't really bothered by the other guys pessimism as he had a candy cane, he looked quite happy as if he was off in his own little Christmas world and replied with the same amount of cheer.

"I didn't, but the guy helped me out and I promised him I will get someone to at least look into it for him, plus – it's really quiet, the only other mildly interesting case was a woman who doesn't understand you can't survive on salads."

Taub rolled his eyes again, knowing this would not go anywhere with House and decided to let it all fall on Kutner's head. He carried on with his dead pan tone as he finished making his tea and moved to sit down.

"Yeah, like he's going to go for that.."

Kutners face suddenly turned a little more thoughtful, he carried on with the candy cane but didn't ask with his usual Christmas cheer that had so far been driving Taub completely mad.

"You think it's over?"

Dr Hadley, better known as Thirteen decided this would be a good point to interrupt the back and forth, sarcastic to cheery argument between Taub and Kutner. She kept her eyes on chart as she scanned it looking a little puzzled at what she was seeing.

"No one has done anything to this guy... we don't even have up to date stats... He doesn't even really have a history so knowing if it's over is impossible with no information."

Thirteen dropped the chart abruptly as she got a static shock from it, rubbing her hand for a few minutes she gently picked the chart back up, Kutner completely shrugged off that comment to redirect the conversation to where he actually wanted it. Even though John was technically his patient, sometimes their where more pressing matters; Such as did he actually have this job now.

"I meant the game. You think he's gonna keep all four of us?"

Foreman didn't really care about the game Kutner was going on about, the 'no history' for the patient however had been enough to wake him up and join in the conversation. Giving Kutner a small platitude to try and ease his mind, although around House he knew it probably wouldn't last too long.

"Said he would. Really, No history?"

House entered the room quieter than usual, turning up right behind Kutner just in time for Kutner to answer Forman, a grin plastered across his face.

"He lies."

House decided this is the best time to announce his entry to Kutner, sounding very amused and spoke in a kind of a sing song voice to throw Kutner off even more.

"My ears are burning."

Kutner froze, he eyes widening over his drink as he came to stare and House practically open mouthed, running scenarios through his mind on how he was going to get out of this one. Forman cut in before he could say anything and dig him an even bigger hole.

"Tell him you're done firing people."

House was barely listening as he was glancing aroungd his Diagnostics room and glaring at the various bits of Christmas paraphernalia which he had not put up, nor condoned putting up.

"Well if I lie, that would be little reassurance."

He paused when he started whacking down the Christmas decorations with his cane. Not bothering to tidy them up as they went, being smashed to the floor was satisfying enough for the annoying sparkly streamers and masses of tinsel around the room.

"Dr. Kutner, who told you that it would be a good idea to put up superficial representations of a hypocritical season celebrating a mythical figure?"

Kutner frowned, trying to work out how on earth he'd worked out was him, but decided lying would be best. At least his earlier transgression seemed to have been forgotten.

"Wasn't me."

House grabbed a Santa Plushie and threw it into the trashcan like a basket ball through a hoop before grinning and pointing at Kutner.

"He lied. Homie knows better, Hymie doesn't care, and Huntington's would have done a better job.

Thirteen glanced up to glare at House, effectively giving Kutner a reprieve from House's sarcasm, no matter how short it may be. She intoned is a dead pan sarcastic droll somewhat similar to Taub's.

"I don't have Huntington's."

House grinned back, using his sing song voice again that seemed to drive his fellows mad.

"That you know of."

Forman was looking quite confused in the corner or the room between the current conversation, House never did things for no reason.

"Why would you…"

House cuts Forman off before he can ask the question and continues smacking down the streemers, much to Kutners frustrations.

"Because I got sued when I called you 'honeybuns'"

"Am I fired if I put up-"

Thirteen cut Kutner off, knowing this was going to go on forever if someone didn't interrupt and get this sorted before they sat here all day bickering.

"The point of the game was to scare us. Telling us it's over isn't scary, therefore he has no reason to say that unless it's true."

She levelled House with a challenging gaze, House merely smiled at her and nodded, causing Kutner to perk up back to his original cheer.

"Good. Then can we do a Secret Santa?"

The only direct answer he got to that question was the tearing down of more streamers and a look from Forman that basially read 'you idiot!' House was the only person to vocalise a response to that... whilst tearing down the decorations around the coffee bar.

"I liked you better fifteen seconds ago when you were afraid for your job." He sighed and turned to the rest of them, "So who's sick?"

"No one."

House took on a mock shocked look at Taub's deadpan tone, flourishing a little over dramatically whilst the look on Taub's face didn't alter in the slightest.

"And here I was thinking this was a hospital and that Thirteen over there was holding a chart."

"There is nothing..."

House snatches the chart out of Thirteens hands, effectively cutting off anything she was about to say. However he only got to hold the thing for a few seconds as he received his own static shock, dropping the chart to the table with a clang. Glaring at Thirteen as if it was her fault before picking up the chart again. Studying the chart for a few minutes, Kutner was a little dismayed that even with John's help the room had lost a lot of its Christmas charm due to Houses cane. He was also slightly praying he wouldn't be blamed for bringing a boring persons case up to House. House however was looking at the chart like it was a jigsaw missing a piece.

"Interesting"

He intoned simply, earning mixed reactions from his team, namely frustration from Forman.

"It's not. He's probably a munchausen's! We have no history and unless his parents really hate him, John smith is probably just a very unimaginative alias!"

House didn't really pay any attention and he abruptly starts to walking out of the room, chart still in hand. Ignoring the remaining streamers around the doors which he had missed, Kutner grinned triumphantly that John had been so persistent in his use of streamers, some survived!

"House, Where are you going?"

Forman didn't move from his spot whilst the rest of the team tried to decide if they were supposed to follow him or wait here.

"Duh, to see the patient and do doctory type things!"

He waved his cane and headed off towards the room which Kutner had put him in and sighed dramatically to Forman. The rest of their team jumped from the seats to follow him out, Forman followed behind shaking his head as it was obvious House had found his new puzzle.

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AN: Okaaay! So Fan Fiction is being a bit of a pain lately! I can't reply to my reviews! Which is really annoying as Genuka there has got my curiosity in flipping overdrive!! So much to the point I decided to write an update... so I could post an AN saying as much as I couldn't reply to the review I got in my emails that Fan ficition was saying doesn't exist yet! In answer to you other questions... Well a lot are answered in this Chapter but Doctor meeting House is coming up very soon :). Hopefully FanFiction fixes so I can Actually respond!

Really shocked so far that on the FIRST! Chapter I have people adding me too their favourites and their alerts, even more amazing given fan fictions utterly erratic nature lately.


	3. The Awaited Meeting!

AN - I own Noooothing, it's a shame... I think it would be fab if House popped up in the Tardis... or the Doctor started winding up Cuddy every now and then, Never the less - Proper AN down to bottom, not the chapteer you have been waiting for! / I have 6 Reviews!!! jumps up and down!!! /

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**The awaited meeting...**

House continued walking and generally ignored the presence of his fellows behind him. To say he had been having a strange day was an understatement. He'd only just managed to scare the crap out of Wilson in the car-park when they had both been heading into the hospital when a strange lanky man had walked up to them took his tie of, flourished it at himself and Wilson and yelled. "Like that" At them before practically skipping of in the direction he had come in. The two friends had just entered the building unperturbed; barring the fact House was a little irritated that the crazy man had took away the shock Wilson had. Which was annoying, very, very annoying.

Whilst walking past the said doctor's room he whacked his cane on the door a few times before continuing on his path. Wilson stuck his head out of the door with a sigh of irritation by which point House was practically down at the elevators and Forman was just walking past his door. He glanced at Forman with a puzzled look on his face – earning a bored shrug from Forman. Wilson bet if it was possible – that shrug would have been sarcastic.

"What? Has he found his latest rubix cube and wants to show it off?"

Wilson fell in line with Forman as they made their way to the patient's room, he hated to admit it but House was never boring. Dangerous, Insane... Maniacal... but never boring. Whilst he was considering that, two men walked past him, decked out fully in black PVC biker gear, helmets and all... Wilson shook his head and brought his attention back to Forman, this place was getting stranger by the day.

"I have no idea, patient with no interesting symptoms, no tests done. Nothing."

"No past interesting illness that might have got his interest peaked?"

"No history"

Wilson thought on that for a moment, no history... well that might have done it, but that didn't seem like house, it usual took a lot more than that to get him to actually walk towards a patients room.

House walked into the room first, he'd made everyone else take a different elevator down so he could get into the room first – it wouldn't be very interesting if they had all got in there with him. He glanced at the practically blank chart again. Something about this case had just caught his attention and he wanted to see what it was.

He walked up the the edge of the man's bed, Mr Smith... like that was his real name, and dropped the chart practically on his feet, he occupier of the bed merely smiled straight at him. It was then House recognised him. It was the crazy guy from this morning.

"That wasn't very clever of you this morning was it if you landed up in a hospital bed?"

A confused look crossed the Doctor's face whilst House just watching on in vague amusement.

"Sorry?"

"This morning... Carpark... You waved your tie at me and yelled..."

"Really? What did I do that for then?"

"How am I supposed to know what goes on inside the head of a nutter with the worst alias on the entire planet?"

Before the doctor could form a reply Forman and Wilson enter the ward. Followed by thirteen, Taub and Kutner who just decided to hang back, not wanting really to get involved but wanting to witness House willingly talking to a patient who by definition of his symptoms was not interesting at all. Wilson however wanted to save the poor man from House; Forman wanted the guy off the ward and down the psychiatrics where all the insane fakers go.

Wilson stopped dead at the foot of the bed as House walked around the side, pointing and gaping for a few seconds at the man in the bed. Suddenly realising this was probably just a plot of House's to drive him mad from this morning. He wouldn't put anything past him

"It's you!"

"Me... What?"

"This morning... car park!"

"Nope not me, ask Kutner, I've been in the clinic all morning."

"Do you have a brother or something?"

"Nope, not any more. Just me!"

Before Wilson could question any further, House coughed loudly and bobbed his head towards the Doctor, with a very sarcastic grin on his face mixed with a mock horrified one.

"Wilson, I'm trying to do doctory things here!" He brandished a stethoscope at Wilson who wondered idly for a moment where he got it from whilst at the same time wondering what had actually gotten into House.

He waived a hand for House to continue and gave Forman another sceptical look. Today was getting stranger by the second as House leaned other with the stethoscope. All of the Doctors attention now was utterly on House, who wasn't so blind as not to notice but decided to continue with what he was doing. Placing the cold stethoscope on the doctor's chest without bothering to heat it up in the slightest. The Doctor didn't even flinch.

After barely a few seconds he glanced up to meet the Doctors eyes, locking intently for a second, a small smile curling to Doctors lips at his reaction. House slid the stethoscope to the other side of his chest, solidifying his theory that the strange man in the bed had in fact, two hearts. Glancing back up again to the Doctor, the question obvious in House's eyes – the Doctor responded with a small wink, missed by any one not looking for it.

Wilson coughed, utterly destroying the moment, causing House to draw back and glance up in irritation.

"I'm not sure how much vicodin you've had today House but are you having trouble locating Mr ... Uhh."

He trailed of, suddenly annoyed at himself for not knowing the man's name as he reached down to grab for the chart at the foot of the bed, dropping it abruptly and yelping in a very un-manly fashion again as he was shocked. Frowning at the chart.

"That has happened to me three times today"

He cursed and glared at the clipboard as house shook his head in amusement.

"Duh, there is a storm moving in, lightning being a form of static electricity it's not exactly shocking is it, didn't you learn anything in school Wilson?"

House smirked and Wilson glared at him, Wilson wasn't even sure what he was glaring for, whether it was for the insult or the really bad joke. Before he could come up with a reply the doctor piped up again, grinning happily.

"Benjamin Franklin"

"See Wilson! At least some people listened when they were at school!"

House mocked back to Wilson who was fuming slightly at House, again before he could say anything, the very cheerful Doctor piped up again.

"My mate Ben! That was a day and a half; I got rope burns off that kite. And then I got soaked!"

House raised an eyebrow whilst Forman looked at house with a smug, triumphant look on his face. Grabbing the Chart from Wilson hand and scribbling down a few notes on it for someone from psychiatric to have a look in on the man. House paid no attention, his mind still very much focused on the Doctor.

"Interesting..."

"And then, I get electrocuted...!"

Wilson could tell by the look on House's face that Forman was far from winning this encounter, he was still interested in his new unsolved puzzle. It would take a lot more than just that to drag House away from his bone. Forman dropped the chart onto the slot on the bed where it belonged, everyone else on the team following suit as they headed back to the Diagnostics office. Wilson glanced at the man's chart to get his name before angling to drag House out of the room.

"Well, Mr Smith, we'll leave you too it for now."

He smiled at the beaming patient and glanced to House, seeing him making to leave as well, concentration written across his face as he was obviously trying to work out his new patient. He grabbed the chart before leaving, putting his name down as the person dealing with him. Wilson wasn't sure what he was more shocked about – the fact House was leaving without insulting someone or that fact House was actually doing paperwork!

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When the two friends exited the room House snagged a red stocking decoration of one of the Walls and a sheet of paper before heading back in the direction of his office. Wilson recognised the look – he had something planned...

"House...?"

House carried on walking to the lifts and got in, not acknowledging the fact Wilson had called him. Wilson recognised the futile effort, shaking his head he started to head back to his office. Heavens forbid he might actually get some work down today.

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"Okay, that was weird. Please someone else agree with me that that was weird."

Forman rolled his eyes at Taub who was once again making himself a drink whilst ever one was lounging around at the large desk.

"John's a nice guy though."

Kutner smiled whilst occupying himself with another candy cane, before Forman could say anything to the guys around the table house came in, dropping himself unceremoniously into a chair, utterly ignoring everyone around the table and started writing things down on the little slips of yellow paper he had just dropped onto the table in front of him. He picked one piece up, frowning at it before speaking.

"Do you spell 'homie' with a Y?"

Kutner glanced up from his candy cane like a meerkat on speed, giving House a questioning look.

"I want to be respectful."

House replied to the look by merely shrugging at the looks from the guys around the table. With Kutner too busy being ecstatically happy, everyone else was too busy being utterly shocked to think that House was actually up to something.

"You're actually going to let us do Secret Santa?"

"Not just you guys."

House started dropping the little yellow slips on paper into the stocking. Grinning as he shook them up before offering to it Taub.

"I like presents too y'know! Pick a name."

Taub eyed the stocking suspiciously. "Why are you doing this?"

"See this is why no one likes your people."

Taub actually looked mildly offended at the remark but didn't really get much of a chance to say something back before House continued.

"The notion of picking one time of the year to be decent to other people is obscene, because it's actually validating the notion of being miserable wretches the rest of the year."

Forman decided to cut in before Taub could again.

"So you think this is the part of the year they screwed up?"

"On the other hand, you are now a team. Gotta work together and the simple fact is, giving people crap makes people like people go and spend 25 bucks. Learn to love…"

House continued on as if Forman hadn't even spoke, Taub still looked utterly unimpressed but picked a name out of the stocking any way. House moved it straight to Kutner who practically jumped into the stocking in order to get a name out.

"Sweet!"

"Interesting.."

Thirteen rolled her eyes, she was really getting sick of hearing that word today.

"You're finding way too many things –"

She didn't get a chance to finish yet another sentence due to House again.

"I was referring to his reaction to the name he got."

"I was pleased. I thought it'd be fun to buy for -"

"Means… there's someone here who wouldn't be fun to buy for." He started at Kutner for a few seconds before continuing. "I wonder who."

He moved the stocking to offer it up to Thirteen next. "Pick a name, and then go check out the patient's house."

Thirteen glancing at it – seemingly unpleased and shoved it into the pocket of her lab coat.

"Interesting...."

Thirteen practically glared at house, very annoyed at House by this point and House hands the stocking to Forman.

"We're wasting time going to the home. We know the diagnosis" He took a name from the stocking and tucks it straight into his jackets inner pocket without even looking.

"No Family history... no Patient history... How exactly is trying to get more information wasting time?"

Taub cuts in again, annoyed at being cut off so many times today.

"Even if you're right, we don't even have any symptoms to go on, should at least do a scan, or I don't know, something vaguely simular?" He intoned somewhat sarcastically. House sighed before glancing around the room.

"Fine, do an MRI, bloods... the full works!"

Just as everyone goes to stand up House carries on speaking as if he hadn't actually stopped.

"Oh! And Whoever goes to the house, get my any laptops or mail with his real name on it!"

Every one in the room sighs at the fact House still won't drop the idea of going to the house. Kutner however smirks as he knew it was all a futile argument anyway.

"We can't go to the house. No address." He smirked triumphantly and House glared at him going to grab the last name from the stocking for himself.

"Fine, run the tests, and get me an address."

Everyone heads to leave and House pulls out the last name, smiling at the paper.

"Yes! Exactly who I wanted. This is going to be fun!"

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AN - Hello xD Big chapter for my few watchers because the next might not come out as quick depending on the plot bunnies in my brain. The last time Iupdated a chapter within minutes the idea slammed into my head and I litterally had no choice but to start typing. I am in a bit more pain than usual today however and I actually have to take my full dose of painkillers so my brain is probably going to be mushy. Fanfiction still seems to be being a pain given that I have 6 reviews that I STILL cannot respond to, and only 2 of them are able to be veiwed on fanfic... My hits however are going up and up and it is awesome. I loves it xD

Anywho, When FanFiction decides to stop breaking every five minutes I WILL respond to my reveiws because you people are the awesome!! Not awesome... THE Awesome.

Hope this chapter lived up to what everyone wanted!


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